Sample 1
Let’s look at Rain’s good work to see how we can do better for our second draft. Marks: 93
Let’s look at Rain’s good work to see how we can do better for our second draft. Marks: 93
Morning Wan Chai
We will take my dad’s car to Wan Chai and visit Golden Bauhinia Square. First we will watch the flag raising ceremony. After that, I will take some photos of the Golden Bauhinia sculpture because it is so beautiful
Afternoon Lantau Island
We will go to Disneyland. We will go on the rides. After that, we will watch Mickey Mouse parade and some shows about Stitch, Mickey Mouse and friends, and the Lion King. I think this parade will be the most wonderful parade in my life because we may meet many cartoon characters in Disneyland.
Evening … the Peak
We will have seafood buffet dinner at the Peak because we can look at the beautiful view of Hong Kong at the same time. After dinner, we will take some photos of the Victoria Harbour. Finally, we will ride the Peak Tram back to Central and back home.
Content:
Give details of the activities
· Golden Bauhinia Square -> flag raising ceremony -> beautiful golden sculpture
· Disneyland -> go on ridese -> Mickey Mouse parade ->
· The Peak -> seafood buffet -> beautiful view (Victoria Harbour) -> take photos-> ride the Peak tram
Give reasons on why the activities and place are chosen.
· The sculpture is beautiful
· -we may meet cartoon characters
The choice of places and activities are logical
Grammar
Using “we will”
Using proper linking words and connectives“ and” “or” “so” “ because” “ Next” “ First” “ Then”
· First, After that, After dinner, Finally
· Making no or a few spelling mistakes.
Creativity
Include ideas and details not mentioned in the GW or Book
· parade, sculpture, Victoria Harbour, Lion King, Mickey Mouse, Stitch
Tidiness
Proper hand-writing
Sample 2
Morning Tsim Sha Tsui
First we will go to Tsim Sha Tsui by MTR with our parents becuase there is a very famous Chinese restaurant there. We can have dim sum at that restaurant for breakfast. I love the shrimp dumplings and the barbecued pork buns most. They are very yummy. I'm sure you will love it.
Afternoon the Peak
After dim sum breakfast, we will take Star Ferry to Central. It's better to take the Star Ferry because we can look at the beautiful view of Victoria Harbour. After arriving Central, we will take a bus the Peak Tram terminus where we can take the Peak Tram to the Peak. We can look at the wonderful view of Hong Kong from the top of the Peak. It's very beautiful. We may also visit the wax museums. There are a lot of interesting wax figures there.
Evening the Peak
At the Peak, we can also do a bit of shopping if we want to buy some souvenirs. At night, we can have dinner at a lovely restaurant at the Peak. We can eat and look at the night view of Hong Kong at the same time in that restaurant. It will be a great day!
Sample 3
Morning Tsing Yi
We will meet at the Tsing Yi MTR station because there is a shopping mall at the MTR station where we can gather and have breakfast together. There is a Hong Kong traditional restaurant called Tsui Wah. The breakfast is good there. My parents like eating there so maybe we have breakfast there first because the food in Disneyland is just too expensive.
Afternoon Disneyland
After breakfast, we may take the MTR to Disneyland together. It's only two stations away from Tsing Yi. At Disneyland, we will go on different fun rides. My favourite one is Space Mountain. It's like a roller coaster in the dark. I'm sure you will love it too! I also like the 4D movie in the Mickey Mouse theater. You were special glasses and you see interesting things popping out from the screen. I wish you will like that too.
Evening Disneyland
In the evening, we will stay at Disneyland to watch the magnificent firework. It's my favourite activity in Disneyland because I love watching firework very much. My family like it too. It's really beautiful when you see the firework display over the Disneyland castle. After that, we can have dinner together in the city if we are not too tired. If not, we can go home first and fix dinner our own way. What do you think about this plan?
Useful link for writing ideas
Sample 2
Morning Tsim Sha Tsui
First we will go to Tsim Sha Tsui by MTR with our parents becuase there is a very famous Chinese restaurant there. We can have dim sum at that restaurant for breakfast. I love the shrimp dumplings and the barbecued pork buns most. They are very yummy. I'm sure you will love it.
Afternoon the Peak
After dim sum breakfast, we will take Star Ferry to Central. It's better to take the Star Ferry because we can look at the beautiful view of Victoria Harbour. After arriving Central, we will take a bus the Peak Tram terminus where we can take the Peak Tram to the Peak. We can look at the wonderful view of Hong Kong from the top of the Peak. It's very beautiful. We may also visit the wax museums. There are a lot of interesting wax figures there.
Evening the Peak
At the Peak, we can also do a bit of shopping if we want to buy some souvenirs. At night, we can have dinner at a lovely restaurant at the Peak. We can eat and look at the night view of Hong Kong at the same time in that restaurant. It will be a great day!
Sample 3
Morning Tsing Yi
We will meet at the Tsing Yi MTR station because there is a shopping mall at the MTR station where we can gather and have breakfast together. There is a Hong Kong traditional restaurant called Tsui Wah. The breakfast is good there. My parents like eating there so maybe we have breakfast there first because the food in Disneyland is just too expensive.
Afternoon Disneyland
After breakfast, we may take the MTR to Disneyland together. It's only two stations away from Tsing Yi. At Disneyland, we will go on different fun rides. My favourite one is Space Mountain. It's like a roller coaster in the dark. I'm sure you will love it too! I also like the 4D movie in the Mickey Mouse theater. You were special glasses and you see interesting things popping out from the screen. I wish you will like that too.
Evening Disneyland
In the evening, we will stay at Disneyland to watch the magnificent firework. It's my favourite activity in Disneyland because I love watching firework very much. My family like it too. It's really beautiful when you see the firework display over the Disneyland castle. After that, we can have dinner together in the city if we are not too tired. If not, we can go home first and fix dinner our own way. What do you think about this plan?
Useful link for writing ideas
No comments:
Post a Comment